Apparently the world recently avoided disaster when two nuclear submarines somehow rammed each other by accident.

Neither the British nor the French ship was critically damaged, which is good news, because we do not need another situation like the one in The Abyss. You can only throw so many nukes into bottomless pits in the ocean before some freaky acid-trip aliens come to the surface and start giving them back with interest.

But never mind that. Here’s the best part of the Associated Press article:

“France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome — where navigation and detection equipment is stored — and limped home to its base on L’Ile Longue on France’s western tip.”

Does anyone else find it funny that the only part of the ship that was damaged was the part that clearly wasn’t being used in any way?

It’s a little like when Lando Calrissian knocked the radar dish off the Millennium Falcon while making U-turns inside the second Death Star. That Asian-looking creature next to him seemed a little upset, but Lando didn’t seem concerned, as if he was thinking only about the cases of Colt 45 he had hidden in the Falcon’s secret smuggling chambers beneath the deck.

“Fuck the radar! Let’s get pissed, Nien Nunb! Send Lando some space bitches!”

But back to the subs. Apparently, nuclear subs don’t always use their navigation equipment because they’re trying to be really quiet and sneaky out there in the depths. Then, all of a sudden, just before the crew settles in to watch the new Pink Panther movie with a nice glass of wine and a croissant, they ram another ship — which damages only the navigation equipment they weren’t using.

Even with the sonar turned off, the odds of two subs colliding in the open ocean are astronomical — maybe a billion to one. Even if the ships were to collide, the odds of them doing so in such a comical matter are even more outrageous. Therefore, I believe this incident is clear and definitive proof of the the existence of Poseidon.

You know, the sea god, who’s no doubt sitting in the depths on his tuna throne, laughing his fucking ass off.

QED.

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